Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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