I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
