dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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