But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
