no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
