kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
