You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
