We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
