gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
