Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
