After last night, I could never be a politician.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
