ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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