"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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