dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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