be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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