well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
