I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
