I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize