im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
