There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize