For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
