I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
