My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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