I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
