Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
