apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
