I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
