It's Friday. Sex?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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