wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
