Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
