I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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