there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
