If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm at about main and main street
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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