girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
