I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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