if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
