I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
