Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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