is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
