You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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