hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize