No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
