Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
and she was petting her beer can
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize