Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
