can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
