Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm like, not good at living.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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