Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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