you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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