i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
