At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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