so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
