if i can run in heels then i can drive
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
