when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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