I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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