Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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