I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
