Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
