I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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