Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
