It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize