Christians are straight up FREAKS
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
