I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
