If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
