Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
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