lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
