I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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