cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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