i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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