So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my sisters under your porch take her home
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
