dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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