your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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