I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize