I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize