You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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