he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize