He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
