So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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