Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
