i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
