Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
