I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
His hands were made for my vagina.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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