I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
