my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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