The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
