This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
