i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Pants are for mortals
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
