I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
