Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
