I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize