He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
