i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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