He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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